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[Nicholas
Angel is having a crackdown on underage drinkers in the pub]
Nicholas Angel:
Oy! When's your birthday?
Underage
Drinker #1: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel:
What year?
Underage
Drinker #1: Every year!
Nicholas Angel:
Get out!
Nicholas Angel:
[to the second underage drinker] When's your
birthday?
Underage
Drinker #2: 8th of May... 1969...
Nicholas Angel:
You're 37?
Underage
Drinker #2: Yeah!
Nicholas Angel:
Get out!
Nicholas Angel:
[turns to last drinker] When's your
birthday?
Underage
Drinker #3: [high pitched] Uhhhh...
Nicholas Angel:
Out!
Danny
Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel:
Officer.
Danny Butterman:
What made you want to become a policeman-officer?
Nicholas Angel:
I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police
officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be
Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a
Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was
five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting
kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a
lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like
Uncle Derek.
Danny Butterman:
He sounds like a good bloke.
Nicholas Angel:
Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
Danny Butterman:
What a $#%&!...
Nicholas Angel:
Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to
say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never
lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel
of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could
be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was
from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.
Danny Butterman:
Shame...
Nicholas Angel:
How so?
Danny Butterman:
I think you would have made a great Muppet...
Danny
Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
Nicholas Angel:
It was the single most painful experience of my life
Danny Butterman:
[nodding] What's the second most painful?
Simon
Skinner: Lock me up.
Nicholas Angel:
I'm sorry?
Simon Skinner:
I'm a slasher! I must be stopped!
Nicholas Angel:
You're a what?
Simon Skinner:
A slasher... of prices! I'm Simon Skinner - I run the local
supermarché. Drop in see me later - my discounts are *criminal*.
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